I’m Supposed To Be Sleeping Right Now… SMH

I really do need to go to sleep. But I watched that damn “Mom’s Night Out” movie and she got me wanting to blog. For a lot of people, they see my income and the wealthy gents that shell out money on me for nothing, and think I should be loving it. But lets face it, I’m human & I’m woman. I simply can’t be satisfied. At least I’m aware of this, so I’m utilizing it correctly, hopefully. I don’t have the answers to life. I’m just trying to live it. I told myself that I was going to just build the base for this blog and then start in the morning. I really do have to sleep but I can’t help it when an idea comes to me. I just have to jump and do it. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad lol.

I’m excited because I have no one to really talk to. I have completely dived into the industry with the goal to go hard till I make at least $1500 for a car or $2000 for a car & moving to a new city. I’m just not fulfilled staying put. This blame goes to my parents. They both left their whole country by the time they were even 20 years old. I’m an army brat. One that didn’t get to experience the moving around like the stereotype portrays. A lot of us happen to stay put and grow up in suburbia. Of course we’re a rainbow of races, gender identities, and more… so a lot of us grow up with a nice silver spoonful of identity problems. Me being one of them. If you’re a bookworm then you can notice the skills. At one point in my teenage years, becoming a writer was a dream. That, like many, died quickly. We’ll just call this blog a version of bringing that back… sort of.

My friendship circles consisted of too wide of a range. The characters in my twisted life are almost too much for me to handle. So I often isolate myself and get down to hustling. Turns out that it’s hella lonely. Even for an adult entertainer. As much as I enjoy the socialism with my clients, it doesn’t compare to real connection. And surprise surprise… I do have a man that I am devoted to. No. He’s not my pimp you judgmental assholes that are thinking that. He is my fiance… he’s just in prison right now so shit is hard… It’s lonely without him. Makes it hard for me to sleep. Makes it hard for me to make friends. Loving someone who opened your eyes to the truth & sinister realities of this world… and then losing him… makes living life in this twisted world a little hard & confusing. I used to be such a social butterfly. Now I talk to myself and the internet. Heeeyyyy! lol Okay folks I’ve rambled about nothing long enough. Gotta go to sleep so I can wake up and freak out about clients and big bucks. I’ll tell you why tomorrow. Goodnight.

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